You pulled me through..

Ok, so I’m sitting here listening to a lot of music… and this song came up in the play list, and since I’m in a writing mood, and this song reminds me so much of someone that even though I put him through a lot, he’s showed me what a real friend is. He showed me that he cared, even when I tried to push him away, when I tried to make him hate me, because at the time I hated myself. And even though things are totally different from before, it’s okay. I so still appreciate this man.

It’s hard when you only doubt yourself, don’t love yourself and want to just be someone else. It’s hard to see the rainbow from all the rain and storms. This person has been around for about damn near a decade, and through all the lying and deceit on my part. He still remained true to trying to be a friend to me.

It hasn’t been easy, and sometimes I don’t even feel worthy of him still calling me his friend. Even though we don’t talk as much now and things are so different. I’m amazed he’s still around through everything. He’s one amazing man…or maybe a little crazy. I don’t know. But I so appreciate him.

This man has put up with so much of my negativity and crap. When you don’t love yourself, it’s hard to imagine that someone else can even care a little bit about you. So even though he showed he cared, I didn’t really notice or take heed to him or the caring, or him extending out his hand to help me. I lost site of a lot of things, and he tried to show me the brightest side.

But he did and I know he still cares. Maybe not like before, and I don’t blame him. I didn’t always listen to him. I didn’t always do right by him, and once I decided too, I knew it was too little to late. So much damage, lies, distrust, deceit, from my part…sometimes you just cant go back. No matter how hard you try, the damage is done.

But I thank this man, because, he tried to show me what a real man is suppose to be. He showed me no matter what I’m going through, nothing should be as bad as I made them. I do know a lot of my decisions made my life harder then what it had to be. I could have taken that negative energy and put something positive. I could have made a lot of different choices that could have benefited me, instead of letting my circumstances hinder me and my actions.

He put up with a lot. He’s a great guy. Even with his cut throat words that can sometimes cut deeper then any knife. He’ll always have a special place in my heart. He’ll always mean a great deal to me. I’ll always love him. And I’m forever grateful to him.

Even though some things I’m still working on, and my past has shaped my mind to make me feel that everyone is out for something and it’s not always a good thing. I’m a work in progress. I don’t hate myself any more. And I’m learning to forgive me, for everything in the past. For hurting people that truly care for me.

You made me do something I always avoided doing. You made me look in the mirror at myself. I didn't like anything I saw. I turned into this person I didn't know. I turned into someone I didn't like, even with me not loving myself, and blaming myself for alot of things that happened to me, feeling sorry for myself, having low self esteem. You made me look at myself and deal with ME... It was a hard reality to come too. It was hard facing the truth about me. I wasn't the woman you needed or wanted, because I couldn't be the woman I needed for me to be. I couldn't look myself in the mirror for a very long time. It was easier pretending everything was okay in the world, pretending like someone else, pretending my life was A-okay. When it reality it was a mess. I was a mess. I had to deal and face ME..the hardest person that there was to face. Telling you the totaly truth after everything was easy, compared to having to look myself in the eye in the mirror and coming to grips with my truth. My life..my pain...my loss, the storms...It wasn't an easy task. but the song tells it all... It's how I feel. I was really in the darkness. I was so confused.. but you..oh you... you pulled me through....

You’ve been one of the few that truly tried to understand me and never gave up on me. You’ve taught me a lot, and even though I didn’t take heed to everything you’ve told me over the years right then. I did listen. And I’m learning.

I just want to thank you for every thing. You mean a lot to me.

I love you….MVS….

And I always will…

­________________SONG LYRICS________________

You pulled me through…by Jennifer Hudson

I was in the darkness
I was out in the cold
Seems nothing could heal this…
This hole in my soul
You reached out your arms to me
Held out your heart to me
Pulled me back from the edge
Thought I’ve reached the edge

When I was drowning
When I was so confused
You…you…you pulled me through
I was in the shadows
Lost..nothing left to lose
You..you..you pulled me through

You gave my faith back
Faith was so hard to find
You gave me my life back
You were my life line
The love that you gave me,
Is love that has saved me
Your strength is what made me strong
You held me and I held on..

When I was drowning
When I was so confused
You…oh you…you pulled me through
I was in the shadows
Lost..nothing left to lose
You... oh you...you pulled me through

Out of the dark
Into your arms
Into the light
Your love saved my life

When I was drowning
When I was so confused
You…oh you. You pulled me through

When I was drowning..
I was so confused
You..oh you… you pulled me through