Rhonda's Randomness!!!!

So for those that dont know, I have this sister (not my real sister, but she's been there for me, like a real sister, and hell, I cant get rid of her...so she's my sister in every way that counts...

well this blog/vent/issues are all about her!!!

RHonda, I told you I was doing it... u betta be ready....

1. Rhonda and I dont always agree...but we've ALMOST always been able to agree to disagree.

2. and even those times, we didn't we still RESPECTED each others stance on things and let them be what they been, even if we didn't agree with them.

3. Rhonda and I have different views on many many many many many many many things (did I mention many things)...but we've always been on one another sides, right, wrong or in different..

well except when it comes to my Stinky..but even with him, I've been there for Rhonda and listened to her..but it gets kind of hard when you love two folks like siblings to not take sides...but Rhonda know..she'll always be my sister...

4. Just like she gotta accept Stinky gonna always be my brother (she cant make me get rid of him...) Sorry Rhonda, he's here to stay.... get use to it!

5. In the short amount of time that we've known one another, the love, respect, bond, wanting to cuss one another out over something, making up without having to say I'm sorry, or even saying I'm sorry and letting it go, we'll be friend/sisters for ever....

6. I dont always say thank you for not given up on me.I know I'm not an easy person to get alone with...and I"m even more difficult to try to understand....and it's damn near impossible for folks to get past the layers of build wall that I've built...but some how you've managed. You've managed to understand me, or atleast try, and u continue to try. You've managed to not say fuck it, I am not dealing with her, like some folks have, and you've managed to tear the wall down, brick by brick..and those difficult tasks alone, makes me love you more and more each day..

7. I'm still waiting on my CDs from months ago... yeah, I wanna talk about it..I even sent you the blank CDs and I still aint got nothing!!!! Where are my CDs Rhonda???? I'm just saying, I"m musicless (well I wont go that far..but I'm sure I have most of the cds now..but u owe me)

8. I still cant wait for u and Stinky to have my nephew!!!! yayyyyyyyyyyyyyy,

9. I wish u all the happiness in the world..and I know ya'll both makes each other happy. It's a rocky road, but not really...right now...Ya'll will be okay...I totally believe that...

10. U've become my best friend, someone I can count on no matter what, and my sister. andfor that, I appreciate you each and every day, and I'm blessed that GOD has placed you in my life..

thank you for everything!!!

love ya

your sister/friend

Nora

damnit, I'm 33!!!!

Happy birthday to myself!!!

Even though every thing in my life isn't the way I want it to be...I still am blessed, just about content, and still thank GOD for another year.

When I turned 30, it was really hard for me, if you were on my yahoo360 back then, I wrote about my struggles, my pains, my losses, my regrets..and how I had to finally try to let them go.

I cant say I have totally let go, somethings are just harder then others to just totally LET GO completely.

But at 33, I'm still able to live, laugh, love and learn.

I thank GOD for the people that has been in my life and those that were once in my life, and are now gone for whatever reason!

I thank my true friends and family for loving me for me, for accepting me for me and putting up with all my ups and downs...it's been a journey...

but I appreciate those that has stayed on the path with me helping me see the brighter side of things, when I couldn't see them for myself.

I thank you all that has been there praying for me, listening to me, or just saying, Nora get a grip...bcuz we all need that in our lives sometimes too...

Just know I love you all, and the journey isn't over yet!

Here's to another year, of love, laughs, ups and downs, joy, pain and tears!!!

Lets make it a memorable one!


Much love, and hugs to all


Nora!!!!

Free me...

Looking back over the years
I’ve shedded some tears.
I told myself time and time again, that this time I would win
But I haven’t won yet.
Just too many regrets
13 years of unhappiness, is not a way to live life.
Tired of going through the pain, lose, and strife.
Where is my happily ever after.
Will it ever come, or must I continue to live my life numb.
I no longer want to smile, but when you look in my eyes, you only see my misery.
This is no way to live
When will I ever break free
Break free from my own prison
Living in a hell
I’m slowly dying inside
But I can no longer hide
This pain is killin me
Does anyone care? Can you see?
I am crying out for help….
Help to heal, help to fight the demon that I live with everyday
That demon that tells me that it is my fault that my son is done…
No one knows how I feel in side.
To be told, it’s your fault your son has died.
You did this to him, Nora…
Hearing those words constantly, over and over again,
Because they are embedded in my head.
To have to bury a child alone.
To feel the guilt of his passing, knowing I committed a sin
And to know he’s forever gone.
The man that was suppose to love and protect me.
Is the same muthafucka that beat my azz constantly.
But now the guilt that consume him,
Because he never got to see his son.
Makes him be the same mean, heartless person from yesteryear…
So he knows he can still break me down, and that makes him cheer.
He tells me I was wrong, he tells me I took his first born
It’s not like I didn’t give him the chance to be there.
He knew from day one, that our son was here.
But instead of bringing his azz to Ohio ,
He took another route.
But now he’s feeling guilty and wanting to pout…
What am I suppose to do…
I don’t know how to fight him.
I live with the fact my son isn’t here everyday.
And the shit aint going away.
But I’m tired of dying inside.
I’m tired of running just to hide.
Don’t I have the right to be happy.
Am I wrong for wanting to live my life drama free.
Don’t I have the right for someone to look into my eyes, and see
Them beaming with joy, instead of seeing them dull
I will no longer close my eyes and want to fall
No longer will I let that dark angel have such a strong hold on me.
I’ll be prepared, because I know when that bitch comes, she’s coming bold.
No more thoughts of suicide.
I know realize, GOD has other plans for you see…
I just wish soon, I’ll be able to live my life, guilt free….

I Feel Your Pain ( The Reply ), BROKEN ENTRY THIS FOR YOU

I FEEL YOUR PAIN MY FRIEND FROM ACROSS THE SEAS OF TIMES
WE NEED TO RELAX RELATE RELEASE TOGETHER
WHEN YOU ARE ALONE REMEMBER THE GLUE IS LOOSE ON MY PAGES OF MY HEART AS WELL
DONT THINK THAT PAIN JUST STOPPED BY YOUR ADDRESS FOR THE POSTAGE WAS PREPAID HERE AS WELL
WE LOVE TO LOVE THE FACT OF BEING IN LOVE BUT LOVE SEEMS TO HATE US BOTH HUN

TAKE MY HAND AND I WILL SHARE A TEAR OR TWO WITH YOU
FEAR OF HAVING MY SOUL STRIPPED FROM MY FLESH
ALLOW ME TO WRITE A JOURNAL IN YOUR BROKEN ENTRY FOR MY MONENTS OF SADNESS ARE BLEEDING
AND CRYING TO BE SET FREE
YOU ARE NOT ALONE

THE RAIN IS FALLING DOWN AND MY WINDOWS ARE FOGGY FROM THE ALLURE OF SOMETHING I THOUGHT I HAD
CAN WE FIND COMFORT IN EACH OTHER'S MISERY .
I DONT KNOW BUT I HURT FOR YOU LIKE I HURT FOR ME
THEY SAY BAD THINGS SEEM TO HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE IM GOOD ,
YOU GOOD FOR REAL WE BOTH GONNA BE GOOD
ILL GO TO WAR FOR YOU AND RIDE WITH YOU
WE WILL HURT NO MORE
THIS IS MY REPLAY TO YOUR CRY AND I FIND THAT MY PEN IS YOUR TISSUE
ITS SEEM THAT THIS COLABO OF PAIN HAS COME TOGETHER AS IT SHOULD
MY PEN CHOSE TO REPLY MY HEART CHOSE TO CRY
I LIE HERE WITH THE WORLD ON MY SHOULDERS
BUT LET ME EASE YOUR MIND
GOD LOVES US BOTH AND IN TIME THE WARNING SIGNS OF HURT WILL TURN INTO JOY
I FEEL YOUR PAIN
I CAN OFFER A HUG OR SOME RANDON THOUGHT THAT WILL BE PASSED BY IN A WEEK
AT THIS POINT I CAN OFFER SOME CONVERSATION THRU THIS POEM
LIFE HAD TAKEN US BOTH UP AND DOWN
BUT PUT YOUR WAR PAINT ON SOLDIER
WHEN THE WINDS BLOWS AGAIN LET THE WIND FEEL YOUR FACE
EMBRACE THE STORM AND IN THE MORNING IM SURE THE SUN WILL SHINE
I FEEL YOUR PAIN MY PEN FOR YOUR CAN BE YOUR PILLOW AND MY PAPER YOUR REFUGE
I CAN WRITE FOR YOU IF AND WHEN NEEDED IM HERE .
FROM A BROKEN HEARTED MALE THAT NO LONGER HIDES HIS SORROW I CHOSE TO SHARE
THERE IS A BETTER WAY A NEW DAY FOR YOU AND ME
THIS IS THE REALEST ONE I HAVE WRITTEN TO A FRIEND
WANNA BORROW MY MARY J BLIGE MY LIFE CD
THAT DOES IT FOR ME WHEN IM DOWN
BROKEN CHANGE YOUR NAME FOR YOUR ARE NOT BROKEN
JUST A LITTLE BENT WE CAN GET YOU STRAIGHT AGAIN IM SURE .
STANDING ALONE YOU ARE NOT IM HERE
NO WORRIES OF OTHERS AND HOW THEY FEEL
WHAT TROY IS SAYING TO YOU IS REAL
PAIN IS A BITCH AND I HAVE HAD MY FULL OF THE CUP OF BULLSHIT COVERED WITH SUGAR AND CREAM
HOLD ON MY FRIEND RELIEF WILL COME
YOU HAVE FOUND A NEW SOURCE IN ME TO HELP IN TIME OF CRISIS
YOU NEED A BROTHER PHONE NUMBER ITS NOTHING
IF SOMEONE GET MAD AT US FOR REACHING OUT GUESS WHAT
THEY DONT LOVE ME OR YOU

@TROY L BARNES


My friend wrote this for me after my reply to his poem Heart with no pulse.... and this is my reply to him!


Troi, I am so in tears right now.. I love this, and I thank you
.and just like you are here for me my friend, I am here for you!
to offer a hug, to lend an ear, or a laugh or two.

Seems that love dont love me, and it doesn't love you.
But through it all, we'll be okay..
what dont kills us, only makes us stronger,
they say.

well right now, the pain is too hard to bare.
as i sit and look out the window and just stare.
staring to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
wishing it will soon come. i think it's just too dim for me to see.

but i know it's there, for me, and I know it's there for you.
I know someone that loves you with her whole heart.
and as her and I have gotten closer, I know she loves me too.
she's a true friend, a person that cares. and so far, she's shown us both
that she'll be there!

we'll get through this, one day at a time.
It's bleak right now, but the sun is gonna shine.
Just take it slow. We'll learn, we'll laugh we'll grow...

Thank you for this, you dont know just how it means.
to see someone cares and feels my pain.
not just saying you're a friend, but your actions show otherwise...
sometimes, all i see is my demise.

no suicide attempt, so dont worry about that...
just so tired of these cats...
that say one thing, but their actions say "bitch, fuck you"
just want to find one person...that words are true...

but life's a bitch,
and this is just something we have to go through...
just know like you're here for me...i'm here for you!

A heart with no PULSE...

WANTING YOU , LOVING YOU WAS A FULL TIME JOB
MYSELF JACK OF ALL TRADES , MASTER OF NONE
KNEW ONE THING TO DO WELL AND THAT WAS TO LOVE YOU
EASY TO START , HARD TO FINISH
NOW IM A HEART WITH NO PULSE

RECOVERY TIME SLOW. THE BAND AIDS CANT STOP THE BLEEDING
THE CLOCK MOVES FAST BUT THE LIFE SPAN OF US STOPPED
OUR TIMEX DIDNT KEEP ON TICKING
WAS IT JUST YESTERDAY I SAID I LOVE YOU
NOW I CANT REMEMBER YOUR PHONE NUMBER
NOW IM A HEART WITH WITH NO PULSE

MY FRIENDS THEY KNOW ! IM A WOUNDED SOLDIER WITH NO MEDAL
FOR MY EFFORTS
ROSA PARKS WOULD BE UPSET TO KNOW I PUT MY HEART NOW ON
THE BACK OF THE BUS
THE CONCLUSION IM A STATISTIC IN THE USE TO BE COLUMN OF
YOUR LIFE
BUT IN MINE ITS REALY WHY DID I LET YOU DO THIS TO ME
I SEE THE PICS AND I GOT THE LETTER
JUST A WASTE OF A STAMP.
NOW IM A HEART WITH NO PULSE

I WROTE ANOTHER POEMM ABOUT YOU CALLED WHO ARE YOU TO
CHANGE ME
THAT WAS MY BITTER END TO A SAD SONG
THIS RIGHT CHEA ! IS MY SONG OF FREEDOM
CANT EXPLAIN WHY A PART OF ME YOU STILL HAVE
MABYE IT WAS THE WAY I NEVER TOLD YOU TO KISS MY AZZ
NOW I AM A HEART WITH NO PULSE

THE PARTIES AND THE OTHER WOMEN WERE NO CURE
ALL I DID WAS BREAK ANOTHER WOMAN'S HEART
MAYBE EVEN TWO IS SHE WAS BEING HONEST WITH ME AND
HERSELF
I TOOK MY SCREENAME DA CHAMP AND MADE HIM A REALITY OF SORTS
BUT TROY HAS COME HOME TO BE WHAT HE REALY IS A GOOD MAN
DOWN BUT NOT OUT WARRIOR TO THE END OF MY DAYS
ROOM FOR GROWTH
BETTER FATHER , SON AND FRIEND
NOW I AM A HEART WITH NO PULSE

YOU MUST BE IN MY WAY TO MOVE ON COMPLETLY AS OF YET I STILL
DONT KNOW
IS THAT WHY I ACT THE WAY I DO AND RUN FROM TRUE LOVE
I MAY BE MILES AWAY BUT THE PAIN I HAVE FELT, FEELS AS IF YOU
LIVE NEXT DOOR
IM ON MY WAY BACK TO CALI TO RETRIEVE MY MATERIAL THINGS
BUT IF I
HAD THAT ONE FIVE MINUTE CHANCE TO GET WITH YOU
I KNOW IT WILL NEVER BEMAYBE
YOU'LL SAY

IM SORRY

A HEART WITH NO PULSE

@DA CHAMP


My reply!





I too am a heart with no pulse

So much hurt, lies, pain and tears…

But my deepest fear..

Are coming true.



Losing so much,

Don’t know which way is up or down

Seems like everyone is laughin at me..

Am I the clown???



Suppose to be good friends,

Saying you’re worth it and they will fight for you,

Again another lie…maybe two…

I’m so ready to just give up, what’s the fuckin use.



Tired of caring, and being there for others.

Crying every day, feeling like I’m smothered…

Losing control…when I’m so use to bein on my A game…

Sometimes don’t know if I’m going or rather I’ve came…



My heart is broken…

No more words to be spoken…Just confused…tired of feeling used…I too, am I heart without a pulse…

The family that Preys....

This movie is a must see....

a story of true friendship, love, lies, deceit, family, and more...

Tyler has truly out done himself with this one...

ask me, this is his best film to day...

so different from his other movies!!

Great job Tyler Perry...

I'll go see this again and again...

cant wait to the sound track comes out....

I give it 4.7 outta 5

YAYYYYYYYYY...shoes...

So here's a pair of my newest addition...

Yes...it is here...

Darren, I'm so proud of you. I know you've noticed a change in me, but I'll never change towards you. Your e-mom loves ya and just wants the world to know to check out the newest authur DarrenChester.
His book we've (those that know and love) him is finally out!!


I hope you all check out: Verbal Ejaculation
http://www. amazon. com/Verbal-Ejaculation-Darren-K-Chester/dp/0595525989/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1221325841&sr=1-1
or:
http://search. barnesandnoble. com/booksearch/results. asp?ATH=Darren+K%2E+Chester



Check it out, i know you want be disappointed...

Quick note...

So I've changed the setting for those that do not have a blogspot page, but want to leave a message..

this means... ANYONE can leave a message. yes even - Anonymous Users -

Simpe Things...

I've always cared about the simple things in life. When did my life get so spun outta control. When did things get so dang on complicated??

Maybe it's just me!

I asked someone did they see me as negative:
his answer:

HIM: (9/12/2008 8:08:48 PM): i think it can be taken like that
HIM: (9/12/2008 8:09:09 PM): but i think there are some things that have affected you
HIM: (9/12/2008 8:09:27 PM): but I think your heart is good
HIM: (9/12/2008 8:09:51 PM): but i think you so used to being disppointed that sometimes it affects how you think or react to things

This answer coming from someone that is TRYING to understand me. And this shit was so on point. You're answer is so on point..

Maybe I do let alot of things from my past affect me more then it should. But doesn't mean I'm such a horrible, mean, always negative person.

I'll be the first to admit, yes, somethings, I am very negative on..When you've been through all the stuff I have in my life, and dealing with somethings, you cant help but to be negative, when the end result is negativity - bullshit - nothing comes right from it...

I try not to put my views on people. Bcuz I'll be the first to say, I have alot of issues with alot of things. So why be the influence on someone else having the same negative outlook on things.

blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, i'm just rambling right now... it's 5:14am - and my mind is running a mile a minute...

just wanted to share this song..bcuz i want the simple things back in my life...

GOD help me to find peace in simplicity.

(this blog is becoming for of a rantin music blog then any thing else...I cant help it...I can find a song about every situation...just like shopping and writing... music soothes my soul..and takes me to a place of temporary comfort...)

________Song Lyrics________

Elisabeth Withers - Simple Things

VERSE 1:
How do you explain this funny feeling deep inside
MAKES me smile when I'm lonely - comforts me when I'm sad
(How do you) explain this sweet sweet smile on my face
That just keeps (getting better) with each passing day
For so (long) I didn't (know) I was searching in all the wrong places

CHORUS:

(thinking if I) spent more money than I could
(if I) worked harder than I should
ALWAYS HAVING FRIENDS TO FEEL GOOD (I'd be happier)
Loosing my breath in the hustle
Just stressin' over nuthin'
Forgetting the real joys that lie - in the simple things

VERSE 2:
How do you explain when there’s more month @ the end (of
the money)
Your situations tells (you to worry) but you see the flowers in bloom
(How do you) explain THE soft caress on your face
That tells you it’ll get better with each passing day
For so (long) I DID NOT know I was looking in all the wrong places

CHORUS:
(thinking if I) played more games then I could
(if I) worried more then I should

Spinnin’ my wheels with the lover that meant me no good

Loosing my breath in the hustle
Just stressin' over nuthin'
Forgetting the real pleasures that lie - in the simple things

Bridge:
The sun shining on my face - your strong embrace
mama calling - daddy calling to see if I'm ok
The fresh air I breathe - enough food to eat
A warm place to sleep at night - ARE the simple things

My worship is for real!!!

Just woke up at 4:30am,and this song is so on my mind right now.

My Worship Is For Real

You don't know my story
All the things that I've been through
You can't feel my pain
What I had to go through to get here
You'll never understand my praise
Don't try to figure it out
Because my Worship
My Worship
Is for real

I've been through too much
Not to worship him

Hallelujah (repeat)
My Worship is for real

Thank you Jesus (repeat)
My Worship is for real

Lord I Love you (repeat)
My worship is For real

Yes (repeat)

Ranting part 4.2

I stop caring for any one that dont give a damn about me...

Even if I do care, my actions towards them will show something totally different...

I'm sad right now...but that's not going to get me down...

I refuse to shed another tear over bullsh**

I miss my daddy soooooooooooooooo much. He and my brothers (real and by chance - has been the only men that I could count on - no matter what..

Stinky, if you dont talk care of yourself - we're going to have issues!

I swear I love you like my own brother - you have become a part of my life and I need u alive... Please take ur meds...

It's too much that can happen with that disease.. lose your legs, lose your eye sight (what happens if you cant see your daughters - literally - lose your live!

Just like u get on me about my meds, I only do it because I care...so dont make me fuck you up!
(she cant make us not be sister and brother no more...lol)

Ms. Fruit - in the 1 and 1/2 we've known one another - thru the ups, the downs and all arounds... u've proved you'll always be there. Even though we may not see eye to eye all the time..I love you so much.. U just dont know...I'd give you a kidney if you need it.

I had a real heart to heart conversation with my e-son, and though I haven't changed towards him, and I doubt if I ever will...just maybe he has a point....

When I asked you do you see me as being negative...I loved your answer...it shows that you're trying to understand me...and you were so on point. Even made me tear up... (hush, I've just been emotional about almost everything the past week)

Thank you, Courtney.... I'm glad we're working out our differences, and becoming friends agains!

Not many people get that second chance...

GETAWAY

Man, today..this song is speaking volumes to me...
today I just wanna get away...
Get away from everything...
Just find a small resort only big enough for one...
to go and just collect my thoughts, think about what I want outta life...
and just reflect...

so much going wrong...
maybe it's my fault...
maybe not all, but I'm a big girl, I can accept the parts I've played in losing friends...pushing them away...making them give up on me...

maybe deep down in side, I do push folks away.
but then again, those that are suppose to be in my life, dont let me...
they dont give up on me...
they look beyond my faults and accept me for me, without trying to change me...

WHY CANT EVERYONE DO THAT??
WHY DO YOUR SO CALLED FRIENDS HAVE TO JUDGE YOU??? WHY CANT THEY JUST ACCEPT ME FOR ME??? WHY NOT TRY TO UNDERSTAND ME..INSTEAD OF ALWAYS JUDGING????

You know...I actually just answered my own question before I asked it...NOT EVERYONE IS MEANT TO BE IN MY LIFE!!!!

I just have to accept that...I guess I could be a little more open..
But when I do let folks in, they leave, they give up on me, so why even bother???

Words I never thought I'd hear, read or see coming from someone I care dearly about...but what can I do???

(9/10/2008 5:21:12 PM): man i give up
(9/10/2008 5:21:14 PM): i truly give up!
(9/10/2008 5:21:19 PM): this is a first
(9/10/2008 5:21:21 PM): i give up

What else could I say..but:

me: (9/10/2008 5:23:35 PM): ok bye

I mean, telling someone you give up on them not once, but twice in less then 30 seconds!!

Hell what more is there to say...

He's no different then all the other "friends" that wasn't there for the long haul...I guess the only difference is...all the rest just left...Never just told me they give up on me...

SHRUG...it hurts to care about someone, but to find out that the feelings aren't mature...not even as a friend...

that they are able to just give up on you and not care just like that... Or maybe they never cared... Maybe it was just time for the truth to come out...

(tears...starting to flow...)...

But i'm tired of trying to let someone over and through the wall that I've taken years to build to protect myself..just to allow one person that I thought wouldn't be like the others to be able to get through that wall, even if it was just half way...to just prove to me that I made a very big mistake....

But I'm tired...There wont be anyone else that will be able to get over it. I'm building it bigger, wider, stronger, then the years before...No one else will be allowed in..

Doesn't mean I'll be rude to anyone. I'll still talk to some folks, but those that are not already over that wall...will only get ACCESS DENIED, when trying to enter my life.

I dont have the strength for any more hurt, pain, disappointments, and being sad over someone...

I refuse to continue to get hurt by someone I care about...

So if you're in my life, and you've stayed for journey with me, I thank you, for not giving up on me for allowing me to be me, understanding me, and not judging me...

for those that aren't in my life... that's too bad for you...
because really, I'm a good person. I'm one of the most sincere, kindest, people you can ever know. I'd give you my last dime if you asked. I'll talk with you, pray with you, ride or die type friend I am.

Too bad, not many take the time to see that, or takes the time to get pass the hard shell exterior... but after EX-FRIEND...it will take devine intervention and miracles to get you to see it now...

For those that were once in my life, but left for whatever reason... I'm okay with that too...you just wasn't meant to be here for the long haul...so

have a nice life,
more then likely, if you were ever in my phone, on my messenger, or i had anything of yours..I've gotten rid of it by now...

why keep you around????

You choose to leave..or I choose for you to go...but either way...YOU'RE GONE...

No sense in keeping memories of the past, that makes me sad, cry or angry...

___________SONG LYRICS__________

Monica Getaway Lyrics

(verse 1)
started as a little girl
singing songs changed my world
flipped my world upside down
i got lost and i couldn't be found
so much on my shoulders
and so much on my mind
seems no one can help me
i think i just need some time

(Chorus)
sometimes i wish i could hide away
looking for a place to getaway
get away from all the heartache and pain
that life can bring
i really dont wanna sound
like i cant stand my ground
but everybody need some time
that they can getaway...

(verse 2)
sometimes i wish i was invisible
cause then no one would know where i am
to ask me for anything
cause ive given so much of me
when is it time for me to receive
cause NORA has her needs
who's gonna look out for me

(Chorus)
sometimes i wish i could hide away
looking for a place to getaway
get away from all the heartache and pain
that life can bring
i really dont wanna sound
like i cant hold my ground
but everybody need some time
that they can getaway...

(verse 3)
you know im not superwoman
and im not made of steel
i try my best to handle
all i have to deal with
not as easy as it seems
and to think this was my dream
now for everything i have im grateful
but sometimes i wanna getaway

(Chorus)
sometimes i wish i could hide away
looking for a place to getaway
get away from all the heartache and pain
that life can bring
i really dont wanna sound
like i cant hold my ground
but everybody need some time
that they can getaway...

(Chorus)
sometimes i wish i could hide away
looking for a place to getaway
get away from all the heartache and pain
that life can bring
i really dont wanna sound
like i cant stand my ground
but everybody need some time
that they can getaway...

Random thoughts..part whatever....

1...this shit is so for the birds...

2. why the hell do i bother...

3. why the hell do you bother...

4. seems nothing ever works out...

5. aren't u tired of the bickering?????

6. why does it always have to be like this???

7. da hell kind of friendship do we have????

8. can we even call it a friendship????

9. i'm so tired of it...

10. it shocked the hell outta me that u cant say one nice thing about me???

11. you think i'm that terrible of a person????

12. you think i'm that fuckin negative????

13. that makes me very sad...to the point i'm in tears!!!

14. but fuck it... it is what it is...you're entitled to your opinion!!!

15. guess i'm gonna limit what i say to you even more...

16. oh well, screw it...

17. why the hell do i even care

18. maybe bcuz i care for u more then i wish too some times...

19. but you're making it very easy for me to stop

20. hell it seems i'm so damn negative, why would u want to continue with me in ur life....i know damn well i wouldnt want someone that i think is as negative as u think i am in my life...

21...just tired... giving up...

damn for real...

Ok.....so I've been called negative before..which isn't a big deal, bcuz i know I can be negative about alot of stuff...

but damn to be called negative every day almost....

and then that person wonders why I am so negative..hell you're puttin it in my head, like you're just waiting for me to be negative... to be down...to just say fuck the world..

i'm so tired of it all...

Damn, what are friends really????

I mean, I feel like I have to limit what I can and cant talk to you about. I feel like how we first started out as being friends is just totally not there any more...

It saddens me bcuz I feel like things are s.o different and it aint getting bigger any time soon....

Sometimes I feel like just sayin, "Is it really even worth it"...

I love you, my friend...but damn..the constant bickering.the constant fighting.. just aint workin for me any more...and it has to stop....

and if it dont...i may just lose what could be a great friend...

but how great are you??? I mean damn...

you make me feel..all kinds of ways...

I dont always feel like you're trying to be harmful, but your tactics are not productive...they are counterproductive as hell, and makes me want to run away and stay the fuck away...

and today, to know that you cant even say one nice thing about me...

why are we wasting our time... just to kill time when we're both bored..

damnit, u just dont know how u make me feel...

but today....really hurt, to know....u say i'm a positive part of ur life, but u cant say one positive...one nice thing about me....even as a friend...


wow...

screw it..i dont care any more...

and if u think this blog is about you...it is...


SIGH...(insert sad face here)....

where does the friendship go???

is there even one to start with???

answers that should be so easy...but i dont even know any more....