Ranomly Ranting V12.6 - but what's the use???

PART 1....

1. Why do things have to be this way?
2. I miss you so much! :(
3. How can I...can we fix things?
4. Are they even fixable this time?
5. Are you really willing to walk away from me?
6. I replay that question over and over and hear you say, "Nora, I'm not sure, I dont know!" How can you not know?
7. Seems hurting my feelings is the new in thing for you.
8. We have chemistry, just seems we cant tune it in to work for us, only against us. :(
9. How can it be fixed??? (Oh,I've said that already - but I really want to know)
10. What do you want from me???? What do you expect from me?
11. You say you want me to be myself - but you cant really accept me for me! WHY????
12. Why cant I stop thinking about you???
13. I know you care...maybe more then you want to.
14. I wish the weekend could have turned out differently.
15. Maybe one day, we'll be able to do it over and get it right....maybe...
16. Our fate lies in your hands. I'll fall back, and if I never hear from you again, then Iguess I got my answer...and that's that.
17. Falling asleep in your arms was really nice.
18. Seems like after the first big argument, we just haven't been back on track.
19. I really dont want to lose you or your friendship. :(
20. I miss my early morning text messages from you.
21. I hope you dont decide to give up on me...on us!
22. I am willing to meet you half way...but I cant be the only one that wants this to work. I cant be the only one that is working at getting things right. I just cant do it alone.
23. You once said I am worth it...our friendship is worth saving. Do you still mean it?
24. I know my past play a big part in my actions. It is hard for me...because of so many reasons...but I am trying hard not to let those things hinder my future.
25. I need a little patience from you. You even admitted yourself you're too hard on me.
26. Please dont give up on me.
27. I am talking as if we've just broken up or something. But truth is...losing your friendship is probably worse than losing you as a man...my man. I value you that much. You mean a lot to me...your friendship means a lot to me.
28. Even though I dont alwas open up to you when you'd like for me to; I do open up to you. Most times more then I do folks I've known way longer then you.
29. I just want our friendship back.
30. I am so sorry for my part in this whole mess.
31. I believe in you. I believe this friendship is worth saaving. I hope you do too.

I want my friend back - WHAT MUST I DO???

part 2...

So I started writing this blog a few days ago - and more came to me...so here it is...

Why does it always seem that I care more about someone than they do for me?

My past does play a big part in how I am now. I know it's effed me up something bad - with being afraid to open up, to trust, to love. I do see more and more it really does hinder my growth as a person, a friend, a mate, daughter, sister, aunt.

I want to change, but I've been this Nora for as long as I can remember. It's how I protect myself from being hurt. But that defense mechanism doesn't always work. I try not to let folks get close to me. But seems somehow, every blue moon, someone slip through that brick wall that I have built for over 15 years to protect me. And letting my guard down only gets me hurt in the end.

But it's not allows just them. I know I am not an easy person to get along with. So I take responsibility and admit to my part in all the apin I endure.

I dont always like the Nora I've become. But I dont know how to be any other Nora.

And it hurts to feel like someone I care so much about. Someone that I've accepted for whom he is (even the stuff, I dont like) - but why cant or wont accept me for who I am and always judging me.

I just want you to accept me for me and stop judging me.

I know you have good intentions and you mean well. and I believe you truly care. There is a method to your madness. But your ways are counter-productive when it comes to me.

It scares me sometimes because I recall some of the stuff I went through with my son's father when dealing with you.

Not in the since I think you'd ever hit me, but some of the verball stuff hurts way more than any fist could ever. (and it's not about cussing me out..bcuz you dont do that and I dont believe you ever will - it's just some of the things you say)...I dont know..

I just want to be happy. I just want you to be happy as well. Maybe we aren't meant to be a couple...but does the friendship have to end also?

I am working on me. Here I am 33 years old. No living babies, no husband, not really content with my life. Even though it's not a bad one. It's just not what I expected it to be at 33.

I want a family. I want a husband, a child or 2. A home, maybe off the lake. I want to be ablet o raise our children together, go on vacations, have each others back through thick and thin, spoil our grandbabies, grow old together and be happy.

Then I come back to reality that may never happen for me. Maybe I am the horrible person you make me feel I am and dont deserve to be happy.

Maybe it will never happen for me and I'm destined to be alone and unhappy.

I just want to be happy.

I just want to be loved.

I just want to be a wife...a mother and have a family

Is that too much to ask for?

I know relationshipships are not easty. Be it friendship...dating...marriage. And it takes alot of hard work, patience, comunication, understanding, relativity and LOVE.

I'm willing to work and give someone 100% of me. Just dont seem it will ever happen...not for me anyways...

BLOG'S SONG

sorry, i dont feel like lookin up the lyrics...