My confessions....

I confess...

today i'm so frustrated...
and i think it's more with myself then then some of the situations I find
myself in.

I confess...
I really wanna trust and let folks in more then I do, but it's so hard for
me, and I hate that I cant get past thinking everyone is out here for to
harm me.

I confess...
I've been thinking about going to some kind of therapy session or 100...
I dont know if that will do any good, but I have to try something.

I confess...
even after having dinner with Waymond (my son's father) and his mom, though
it did some good, I still hold on to so many things.

I confess...
I really dont know what the heck is wrong with me.

I confess...
that I'm trying so hard not to run him away....
and it's like I feel nothing I do is right. and I think I am
subconsciencely running him away more and more.

I confess...
I really like him and i know he likes me too, but how much will he be able
to take.

I confess...
Waymond and a few other things in my past has me so messed up inside that I
think I propusely sabatoge anything good that comes in my life bcuz I'm so
afraid that something will end up screwed up in the end. that I'm truly
afraid to give things a chance..

I confess..
I truly haven't been happy at all for the last 14 yrs and counting.

I confess..
I really think he's an amazing guy, and he's the one that has shown me that
he isn't like all the rest.

I confess...
I am trying not to tear up at my desk..but the tears are winning.

I confess...
I hate we're so far away from one another.

I confess...
I could really use a hug from my sisters right now.

I confess...
I dont know how much more I can take.

I confess...
I wish so many things would have been better..and could be different.

I confess...
I wish he wasn't so far away.

I confess...
I just wanna be in his arms, no sexual stuff, just to be held and to hear
him say, "everything is alright"

I confess...
the more I think about it, the more I know it will never happen.

I confess...
i'm just tired and wanting to give up on just about everything.

I confess...
I'm not talking about on life, even though that sucks, so dont worry, I
aint trying to commit suicide or anything like that.

I confess...
I have to state that, bcuz the last time I said that, I was on a suicide
watch.

I confess...
no matter how bad things become, I will never try that again.

I confess...
I know someone always have it worse then I do, but that doesn't make me
feel better.

I confess...
I'mma stop here, bcuz i just need too...

SIGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH