GETAWAY

Man, today..this song is speaking volumes to me...
today I just wanna get away...
Get away from everything...
Just find a small resort only big enough for one...
to go and just collect my thoughts, think about what I want outta life...
and just reflect...

so much going wrong...
maybe it's my fault...
maybe not all, but I'm a big girl, I can accept the parts I've played in losing friends...pushing them away...making them give up on me...

maybe deep down in side, I do push folks away.
but then again, those that are suppose to be in my life, dont let me...
they dont give up on me...
they look beyond my faults and accept me for me, without trying to change me...

WHY CANT EVERYONE DO THAT??
WHY DO YOUR SO CALLED FRIENDS HAVE TO JUDGE YOU??? WHY CANT THEY JUST ACCEPT ME FOR ME??? WHY NOT TRY TO UNDERSTAND ME..INSTEAD OF ALWAYS JUDGING????

You know...I actually just answered my own question before I asked it...NOT EVERYONE IS MEANT TO BE IN MY LIFE!!!!

I just have to accept that...I guess I could be a little more open..
But when I do let folks in, they leave, they give up on me, so why even bother???

Words I never thought I'd hear, read or see coming from someone I care dearly about...but what can I do???

(9/10/2008 5:21:12 PM): man i give up
(9/10/2008 5:21:14 PM): i truly give up!
(9/10/2008 5:21:19 PM): this is a first
(9/10/2008 5:21:21 PM): i give up

What else could I say..but:

me: (9/10/2008 5:23:35 PM): ok bye

I mean, telling someone you give up on them not once, but twice in less then 30 seconds!!

Hell what more is there to say...

He's no different then all the other "friends" that wasn't there for the long haul...I guess the only difference is...all the rest just left...Never just told me they give up on me...

SHRUG...it hurts to care about someone, but to find out that the feelings aren't mature...not even as a friend...

that they are able to just give up on you and not care just like that... Or maybe they never cared... Maybe it was just time for the truth to come out...

(tears...starting to flow...)...

But i'm tired of trying to let someone over and through the wall that I've taken years to build to protect myself..just to allow one person that I thought wouldn't be like the others to be able to get through that wall, even if it was just half way...to just prove to me that I made a very big mistake....

But I'm tired...There wont be anyone else that will be able to get over it. I'm building it bigger, wider, stronger, then the years before...No one else will be allowed in..

Doesn't mean I'll be rude to anyone. I'll still talk to some folks, but those that are not already over that wall...will only get ACCESS DENIED, when trying to enter my life.

I dont have the strength for any more hurt, pain, disappointments, and being sad over someone...

I refuse to continue to get hurt by someone I care about...

So if you're in my life, and you've stayed for journey with me, I thank you, for not giving up on me for allowing me to be me, understanding me, and not judging me...

for those that aren't in my life... that's too bad for you...
because really, I'm a good person. I'm one of the most sincere, kindest, people you can ever know. I'd give you my last dime if you asked. I'll talk with you, pray with you, ride or die type friend I am.

Too bad, not many take the time to see that, or takes the time to get pass the hard shell exterior... but after EX-FRIEND...it will take devine intervention and miracles to get you to see it now...

For those that were once in my life, but left for whatever reason... I'm okay with that too...you just wasn't meant to be here for the long haul...so

have a nice life,
more then likely, if you were ever in my phone, on my messenger, or i had anything of yours..I've gotten rid of it by now...

why keep you around????

You choose to leave..or I choose for you to go...but either way...YOU'RE GONE...

No sense in keeping memories of the past, that makes me sad, cry or angry...

___________SONG LYRICS__________

Monica Getaway Lyrics

(verse 1)
started as a little girl
singing songs changed my world
flipped my world upside down
i got lost and i couldn't be found
so much on my shoulders
and so much on my mind
seems no one can help me
i think i just need some time

(Chorus)
sometimes i wish i could hide away
looking for a place to getaway
get away from all the heartache and pain
that life can bring
i really dont wanna sound
like i cant stand my ground
but everybody need some time
that they can getaway...

(verse 2)
sometimes i wish i was invisible
cause then no one would know where i am
to ask me for anything
cause ive given so much of me
when is it time for me to receive
cause NORA has her needs
who's gonna look out for me

(Chorus)
sometimes i wish i could hide away
looking for a place to getaway
get away from all the heartache and pain
that life can bring
i really dont wanna sound
like i cant hold my ground
but everybody need some time
that they can getaway...

(verse 3)
you know im not superwoman
and im not made of steel
i try my best to handle
all i have to deal with
not as easy as it seems
and to think this was my dream
now for everything i have im grateful
but sometimes i wanna getaway

(Chorus)
sometimes i wish i could hide away
looking for a place to getaway
get away from all the heartache and pain
that life can bring
i really dont wanna sound
like i cant hold my ground
but everybody need some time
that they can getaway...

(Chorus)
sometimes i wish i could hide away
looking for a place to getaway
get away from all the heartache and pain
that life can bring
i really dont wanna sound
like i cant stand my ground
but everybody need some time
that they can getaway...