Free me...

Looking back over the years
I’ve shedded some tears.
I told myself time and time again, that this time I would win
But I haven’t won yet.
Just too many regrets
13 years of unhappiness, is not a way to live life.
Tired of going through the pain, lose, and strife.
Where is my happily ever after.
Will it ever come, or must I continue to live my life numb.
I no longer want to smile, but when you look in my eyes, you only see my misery.
This is no way to live
When will I ever break free
Break free from my own prison
Living in a hell
I’m slowly dying inside
But I can no longer hide
This pain is killin me
Does anyone care? Can you see?
I am crying out for help….
Help to heal, help to fight the demon that I live with everyday
That demon that tells me that it is my fault that my son is done…
No one knows how I feel in side.
To be told, it’s your fault your son has died.
You did this to him, Nora…
Hearing those words constantly, over and over again,
Because they are embedded in my head.
To have to bury a child alone.
To feel the guilt of his passing, knowing I committed a sin
And to know he’s forever gone.
The man that was suppose to love and protect me.
Is the same muthafucka that beat my azz constantly.
But now the guilt that consume him,
Because he never got to see his son.
Makes him be the same mean, heartless person from yesteryear…
So he knows he can still break me down, and that makes him cheer.
He tells me I was wrong, he tells me I took his first born
It’s not like I didn’t give him the chance to be there.
He knew from day one, that our son was here.
But instead of bringing his azz to Ohio ,
He took another route.
But now he’s feeling guilty and wanting to pout…
What am I suppose to do…
I don’t know how to fight him.
I live with the fact my son isn’t here everyday.
And the shit aint going away.
But I’m tired of dying inside.
I’m tired of running just to hide.
Don’t I have the right to be happy.
Am I wrong for wanting to live my life drama free.
Don’t I have the right for someone to look into my eyes, and see
Them beaming with joy, instead of seeing them dull
I will no longer close my eyes and want to fall
No longer will I let that dark angel have such a strong hold on me.
I’ll be prepared, because I know when that bitch comes, she’s coming bold.
No more thoughts of suicide.
I know realize, GOD has other plans for you see…
I just wish soon, I’ll be able to live my life, guilt free….